A long totally uninteresting post about the past year in YWAM

   As I look over the last year of our being in YWAM, I am amazed that we are still here. Does that surprise you? The last year was an incredible adjustment for me, for Joel, for the kids. The previous nine years was spent in a small town in a big county. Next to a beautiful, humongous puddle.

Joel with 9 mo old Rachel Summer 2007

This community was really the first for Joel and I in our marriage adventure. Sure we moved about every 1, 2 or 3 years to a different house, but it was always in the same community, same sweet town, same church family, same friends. Same wonderful grocery stores, bank and Post office.

So when God swung open the wide door of MISSIONARY and YWAM and FIVE HOURS AWAY FROM EVERYTHING FAMILIAR the adjustment was not a shock, but more like an ache. A dull, panging ache. Don't get me wrong, I love it here...now. The people are great- I love the staff. I love the students. We live out in the country. The kids are making friends. But as I look back on the last year, it's been hard. Lonely, in fact. Wondering "why" God put us here. What is our role here?

It's amazing what answers come in just a year. I don't ask God "why am I here?" quite so often as I used to. I see this time here at YWAM as a time of training. Of preparation for Something Else down the road. God is training us to be leaders. But as every leader should know- it's about servant hood. Joel is serving in the maintenance department. I am serving our children. Both of us help out where needed at the YWAM base, whether it's in the kitchen, in the accounting office or just cleaning.

God is teaching me to be content as a mother. At home. Cleaning. Cooking. Homeschooling. Raising children. This has been a hard lesson for me over the last year. I want to be over at the base Doing something. Anything. Because then, I'm doing something Important. Yes, this has been a hard lesson to learn.

Over the last year, I have experienced some emotional healing through a ministry called Theophostic Prayer Ministry (TPM). I have experienced freedom from different lies I believed about myself and God has brought His Truth into my life to set me free from those lies- permanently. This has been wonderful for me and I know it's another reason why I am here.

There are many other reasons why God has put us here, but those are the two I'm going to share with you tonight.

On a lighter note: I was praying and struggling about learning Spanish. Since ninth grade I have tried to learn this language off and on. But to no avail. I would try and try to learn it and then I would keep hitting a wall, and then I would quit trying. Then six months later I would pick it up again, only to fail again. So finally I asked God, "why? Why is it so hard for me to learn this language?" And do you know what He said to me? You'll never guess. When He told me His answer I didn't believe it. Until He told me again two days later: "I want you to learn German." ??? Why in the world would I want to learn German? Nothing against German, except that it sounds harsh, like Russian. I guess in one way I was relieved He didn't ask me to learn French. Whew.
So there you have it. For 2.5 weeks, I have been learning German, thanks to Duolingo. And you know? It's coming along a lot easier than Spanish ever did. Amazing.

I have a little praise report: Rachel had a severe stomach ache one night. She was doubled over and moaning in bed. I gave her peppermint. But that didn't seem to help like it usually does. I could only think of one thing- Appendix. No, not at the end of this long rambling post. I was thinking of a ruptured appendix. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about rushing off to the ER ten minutes away in the cold and snow and it was 11:30 pm and I would really like to go to sleep..please? I tried to give it over to Jesus. We prayed over Rachel. We tucked her in. Then we went to bed and waited. We prayed. And prayed. Rachel didn't get up. Not once during that night after 11:30. She woke up happy and ready to go to school. She was fine. I could hardly believe it. No surgery. She still had her appendix and I even got some sleep. God is good. Aren't you glad?

Having ECCO students and staff over for dinner and coffee

So a quick update on two things here at YWAM: One is that Joel and I are co-leading (yes) a Bible Class for our current school (English Cross Cultural Orientation aka: ECCO). We teach one hour twice a week. Monday and Thursday mornings. Hudson and Madelynn come with us and they do fabulous. I think it's because the students are so fun. Joel and I are writing and inventing the curriculum for this Bible Class and it has been such a blast. We sing songs, we play games, the students share (in English) what God is teaching them. This morning the students demonstrated their hard work and put on two performances: Original children's songs written, sung and performed (in English) by all the students in Noah's Ark theme. Oh they did such a great job!

ECCO Bible Class

And the second thing is that once a week in the afternoon we take four ECCO students and volunteer at the local thrift store. This has been fun getting to know these specific students a little better. Last week they came over for supper afterwards and we had a great time together.

At the Thrift Store

Joshua and Rachel are both in Scouts this year. This has been a good decision so far as it is helping them to form friendships and do something fun outside of school and YWAM. Joshua made his first Pinewood Derby car and Rachel will soon be selling Girl Scout cookies.

The L.S. Rock-It!

Two things you can be praying for us about:

1. We are still looking for a church. We were going to one since June 2014 but it has gotten very difficult with the timing (it's an evening service) and being a school night and all....The worship is great, the teaching is solid, the people are nice, and it's not a very big church. We've really enjoyed going there. But being on staff at YWAM, early mornings at public school, and trying to eat healthy have become large obstacles. So the hunt continues...

2. Please continue to pray for Joshua and the disease that haunts his body- Type 1 Diabetes. He is currently on a liver cleanse diet and it has been helping him. We continue to seek God and His Righteousness and we know that all things will be added to us as well-whether it's healing or just an improvement in blood sugar numbers.

3. (Ok there's actually three, not two) We are praying about taking a family missions trip this summer. Right now we are seeking God on a specific ministry that we have been made aware of in a large Asian country. We would like to travel there this summer and stay for a month and see how it goes. How we could fit in, how the kids do, how I do (with elephants, heat, snakes and oh yeah, spiders-really really big ones).


Going back to life at YWAM....
The kids are doing really well. This is home now. Though they talk about Grand Marais and want to go and visit. And oh yes, Madelynn wants to move back there, not just visit.

Rachel turns EIGHT on Saturday (can you believe it??), so our house will be pink for a few days.

Sledding Birthday Party!
Here's the train...watch out!
Love Rachel's face in this one.
(She's the one with a light green jacket, her mouth wide open-yelling of course.)

Joshua is doing a unit on Engineering in Science class so he's been constructing roller coasters and really enjoying himself.

Hudson is four now and is just as cute as ever. He's the baby of the family, so he probably gets cuddled way too much by Rachel and I. But he's becoming a handsome little man and knows how to count to 13 (skipping the 12) and recognizes the letters of the alphabet.

Hudson's Fourth!

Homeschooling Madelynn is easy peasy and I'm really enjoying this break from the usual chaos at home.

And that's about it! That wasn't too bad was it? At least there weren't any footnotes or a dozen appendices like the Lord of the Rings books. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day in the Presence of the One who is worth Everything.

At Minnehaha Falls visiting a friend in Minneapolis

Pressed but not Crushed

(Italics taken from a devotional entitled "Streams in the Desert" p. 391-393. This particular article resonated with me (Renée) and in this post alternates with my own thoughts).

"They were a people who were living to themselves. Their hopes, promises, and dreams still controlled them, but the Lord began to fulfill their prayers. They had asked for a repentant heart and had surrendered themselves with a willingness to pay any price for it, and He sent them sorrow. They had asked for purity, and He sent them sudden anguish. They had asked for meekness, and He had broken their hearts. They had asked to be dead to the world, and He killed all their living hopes. They had asked to be made like Him, so He placed them in the fire "as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Mal. 3:3), until they could reflect His image. They had asked to help carry His cross, yet when He held it out to them, it cut and tore their hands."

I (Renée) remember asking God for humility. I remember asking God to challenge my faith, to grow me, to not make my life so comfortable. Little did I know how much God was going to take me seriously in all these prayers over the last 10 years...

Our most recent challenge has been a cluster of smaller, related challenges. Each a little similar, each one health related: Joel's back is a constant heartache for me. Nerve pain down his leg and into toes, tight muscles along his spine like steel cords. And yet he copes well, smiling at me throughout the day and being the Daddy his children need. But there are days that are hard. Painfully hard. And he's only 35.

A certain chiropractor was recommended to us by a friend. I had noticed the results in this certain friend who went there and so we decided to try it. This chiropractor has a strong faith in Jesus, runs his business with Christian music blaring, and treats the problem not the symptoms. There is something else that's different with this doctor than other chiropractors. His practice is based on a neurological philosophy. The spinal cord sends messages throughout the body and to all the organs and is vital to the survival and health of the body. His technique then, is to "reset" the signals from the brain to the organs by simple techniques which I do not have time to explain here.

The chiropractor evaluated Joel and to make a long story short: six years ago Joel was diagnosed with a short leg resulting with a 1.5 cm lift on his left shoe. Well, it turns out his other leg is shorter- and not by that much. So because of this misdiagnosis, Joel is now experiencing degeneration in his left hip, his scoliosis is worse and his herniated disc is not healing.

Forgiveness for the doctor who misdiagnosed him...

The chiropractor recommended the whole family get checked out since scoliosis and other such problems can be passed down to the next generation. So we decided Joshua should go in since he has the most health problems at the moment.

Joshua's evaluation: He has an extra disc in his lumbar. He also has a six degree twist to his spine - the start of scoliosis. And because of this skeletal problem it is pinching a nerve in his spinal cord that is directly in tune with his respiratory system, possibly causing his asthma difficulties.

"They had not fully understood what they asked, but He had taken them at their word and granted them all their requests. They had been unsure whether to follow Him such a long distance or whether to come so close to Him. They found it easier to obey than to suffer, to work than to give up, and to carry the cross than to hang upon it. But now they could not turn back, for they had come too close to the unseen cross of the spiritual life, and its virtues had pierced them too deeply."

So what more can God inflict upon our nine year old son? Not only does he have asthma, super sensitive skin that breaks out in hives when a band aid touches it, had ITP (a blood (un)clotting autoimmune disease), has Type 1 Diabetes but now he has an extra vertebrae and possible scoliosis. He's NINE. There is no diet remedy for scoliosis. No herbal concoction can take care of this. This is skeletal.

The neurological chiropractor says he can treat Joshua. Correct the scoliosis and more than likely, eliminate the asthma.

Of course I have my doubts. I've heard all this "treatment" and doc's "plans" and read the books telling me about "cures". The only cure I've been able to find is the cure for Celiac Disease. Praise God for that.

This chiropractor seems our only hope. His philosophies on medicine line up with mine. His diet choices are whole grain, whole foods - pretty healthy. His methods really seem to work.

But it's an hour drive away. In good traffic.
It's also out-of-pocket.

Three days a week for the first four months of treatment. For both Joel and Joshua. That's at least six hours of driving a week.

So we keep giving it to God. Surrendering these earthly tents to Him.

"Now at last their opportunity had come. Earlier they had only heard of the mystery, but now they felt it. He had fastened His eyes of love on them, as He had on Mary and Peter, so they could only choose to follow Him. And little by little, from time to time, with quick glimmers of light, the mystery of His cross shone upon them. They saw Him "lifted up from the earth", and gazed on the glory that radiated from the wounds of His holy suffering."

Our son, Joshua, is a brave boy. He has looked at chronic disease in the face and shook it's hand. He has warmed nurses' hearts and made them smile. He has looked so sweetly at me countless times while I watched helplessly as tubes, needles and white sheets dominated his life. He has matured so much over the years as hives, asthma, and blood are just a part of our day.

Why him? Why does his body have to be wracked with shots, immune system problems, disease and now scoliosis?

"As they looked upon Him, they approached Him and were changed into His likeness. His name then shone out through them, for He lived within them. Their life from that moment on was one of inexpressible fellowship with Him above."

O Satan, beware of my son. Though you try to kill him with disease and fill his life with pain, it is through this pain he is being made new, he is being made like his Savior Jesus Christ. A suffering servant. "Jehovah saves" my son and his life will not be in vain.

"Yet God strengthened them and protected them, even from themselves. They knew it was good to suffer in this life so they would reign in the one to come; to bear the cross below, to wear a crown above; and to know that not their will but His was done in them and through them." ("Streams in the Desert" Devotional pgs. 391-393)

Autumnal

We picked a bunch of these off of YWAM's apple trees....

...And turned it into sauce! We are only about half done but we've done over 40 quarts so far!

Daddy and son. 

Underneath the most magnificent maple I've seen.

Treehouse, anyone?

On a nature walk

Future Apartment Update

Update December 17th: Last weekend we visited the apartment at the base that we will be moving into. And it looks great!! Three bedrooms, storage space, a dishwasher! It's clean and modern. I (Renee) know if we'll be living overseas in the future, our living space will probably be very different. But I am relieved that the apartment is clean and neat and has friendly neighbors!
It looks like we'll be moving about Saturday January 18th. (But nothing is for sure yet!)

Please also pray for Joel as he visited the neurosurgeon today: It turns out he has a herniated disc in his lower back. Surgery is an option- we need wisdom on whether that's what God wants or not.

Snickerdoodles (GF)

My kids like these better than the regular wheat Snickerdoodles. This recipe turns out more crunchy and buttery than I like, but maybe that's why the kids like them so much. If you like a chewy-er, softer cookie, than use less butter.

This recipe is not mine, it's taken from a Jules' CookiE-book. I don't use her GF flour mix anymore, but the cookies still turn out just fine.

Here's the recipe:

1 1/2 C sugar

1 C butter

2 eggs

2 3/4 C GF flour

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp cream of tartar

1/4 tsp salt

2 Tbs sugar

2 tsp cinnamon

Directions:

Cream shortening and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs and beat until combined.

In a separate bowl, whisk dry ingredients together: flour, b. soda, cream of tartar, salt. Add to wet ingredient bowl and mix thoroughly.

Cover tightly and refrigerate until cold, at least 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 400 F (static) or 375 (convection).

Shape dough into 1-inch balls by rolling in the palms of your hands. Roll each ball in the sugar and cinnamon mixture. Place on a parchment-lined baking sheet spaced 1-inch apart, and bake for 8-9 minutes, or until lightly browning and puffed. Remove to cool on a wire rack; the cookies will sink slightly in the middle when cooled - this is normal.

Yield: approximately 3 dozen cookies.

Coffee Cake

I grew up with this recipe. It was my favorite thing to bake as a tween and beyond. I had it last year for my birthday and I must say, my tastes are changing. This cake is really, really sweet. Delicious, but sweet.

Here you go!:

In a large bowl mix:

1 1/2 sugar (of course!)
1/4 Cup + 2 T butter
2 eggs
1 tsp salt
5 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 C milk
3 C flour


Topping:

In a medium size bowl:

1 1/3 C Br. sugar
1 C flour
1/2 C Butter
2 tsp Cinnamon

Mixes best by hand, though if you are patient a spoon or fork will do.

In greased 9 x 13 pan, layer:
2/3 batter
1/2 topping
remaining batter
remaining topping

Bake at 350 F for 50-60 min or until light brown and toothpick comes clean.

Pie Crust (Super Duper)

Yes, this is Joel's mom's super duper pie crust. That's what we named it anyway. :) As far as we can tell, it's almost a no-fail crust.

5 Cup flour
12 oz 7Up or Sprite
1 lb lard/Crisco/Butter (2 1/2 Cups)
1 tsp salt

This will make 5 pie crusts. Proceed as you would with any other pie crust recipe.

Gluten Free Bread

So here's the bread recipe that we use. Some people may not like it. I mean, it's gluten free bread, made with whole grain. But my gf girl loves it. She eats two loaves a week. Plus buns, pizza and such.

I pretty much just adapted this recipe from our Staple Bread recipe. I love simplicity. And after an accident and some tweaking, we got it.

1 Cup warm water
1 1/2 tsp yeast
small amount of molasses

Let bloom 5-10 min.

Add 360g GF flour (we use the whole grain mix)
1 tsp salt
1 Tb olive oil

Mix/stir, adding 2-4 Tb warm water as needed. Consistency should be like thick cake batter or a soft sticky cookie dough. Place in parchment paper lined loaf pan.
Cover and let rise 45 min. Bake at 400 F for 30 min.
Remove from pan and allow to cool before removing paper or slicing.
When cool, slice with non-serrated, sharp knife. (I find that turning the loaf upside down and slicing produces a cleaner slice of bread). Place wax paper or parchment paper in between slices. Freeze in plastic bag.

A New Year's Day Praise

Lots of changes have been happening in our home. Bedrooms and office switched around, Mommy and Daddy moved into the new bedroom downstairs, stuff that used to be in the basement is now upstairs or in the cold room. Cleaning, organizing and setting up. Along with all this change, the kids wanted to switch their places around at the table... 

This morning, breakfast was placed, as usual, on the table, at each place setting. But due to habit and miscommunication, Rachel, (our gluten free girl), ate a wheat muffin for breakfast.

Everyone felt horrible about it. Joel and I held our girl, knowing of the pain and discomfort that would come with having ingested gluten. We prayed for her, asking God to allow the muffin to work its way through with no side effects.

And now is the part I want to shout Hallelujah! Because that was 9:30 this morning. And now it is 3:45 in the afternoon. Nothing. No pain, no tummy aches, no complaining of any kind. 

Isn't this amazing??!! I mean, it was a WHEAT muffin!  

Thank you God for sparing my child and letting us see your miraculous power! Praise the Lord!

Gluten Free Flour Mix

I've tried a variety of GF flour mixes, but this has been my favorite so far, largely due to the fact that it's whole grain.

I stumbled upon this recipe and I shouted (in my heart) for joy! Finally a whole grain GF flour mix, that actually works!

Here it is. Are you ready?

70% whole grain flour (ie: brown rice, sorghum, almond, teff, oat, quinoa, etc)
30% starch (tapioca, corn starch, potato starch, etc)

That's it.

If you have a kitchen scale you would use 120 g for every "cup" of flour. To make 10 cups of mix, 360 g of starch, 840 g of whole grain.

I've also noticed with this recipe, that I no longer use any kind of excess binder. You know, like guar gum, xanthan gum, ground flax with hot water. The starch in the mix seems to take care of most binding needs. Except in cake. I always add a beaten egg or two to a cake recipe. Helps tremendously.

So that's what I use now. My own little gluten free girl loves it. And she's not getting all those useless starches. (Or as much as she used to).

Cranberry Pie

This is my Mother-in-law's recipe. It is a fabulously easy, fabulously delicious pie. One of our favorites. It's going to be Jesus' birthday "cake/pie" this year. Yum!

Beat two eggs well.
Add:
1 Cup sugar (I decreased it to 3/4 C)
1 Cup Flour (120g- wheat or GF)
3/4 C butter, melted
**If doing GF, add 2 tsp baking powder

Mix well.

Grease 10" pie pan. Put 2 C cranberries and 1/2 C (I decreased it to 1/4 C) sugar over berries. Pour batter over berries.

Bake 350 F for one hour or until golden. (GF will be a dark golden.)

Quick Buns

I love this recipe. I usually don't have time to make full on, three hour yeast buns so I use this recipe a lot.

1 Tb yeast (I've cut it down to 2 tsp and haven't noticed a difference, both GF and non)
1 1/3 Cup warm water
a squirt of honey

Let bloom for 10 minutes.

Add 2 Cups flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 Cup oil (again, I've decreased this to about 2 Tb, no difference in GF and non)

Combine. Add about 2 more cups of flour to form a soft dough. Knead until smooth. Let rest about 5 minutes. Form into buns, breadsticks, even a pizza pie or cinnamon buns! Place on greased pan/stone.

Bake at 425 F.

Buns and cinnamon buns take about 13-15 min.
Sticks are about 10-12 min.
Pizza is about 15 min.

Yes, this recipe is interchangeable with Gluten Free. Weigh out your GF flour mix (1 Cup = 120 grams). And use less water. Don't knead of course, just stir. Place in paper lined muffin tins, let rise 15 min and bake accordingly.

...do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

(Matthew 6)

Almond Milk

Did you know you can make your own almond milk? It's really easy and fast once you have your almonds done soaking. 

Here's the recipe:

1 Cup Almonds (soaked 1-12 hours, rinsed)

4 Cups Water

Blend together in blender. Pour through sieve. Let drip for about 30 minutes. That's it. You have almond milk. Store in fridge for 3-6 days. 

The original recipe calls for sweetener and vanilla. I agree it does make it yummier, but I prefer the plain method.

Raw Vegan...Ice Cream?

Oh you betcha! And yum, is it delicious!

Here's the Link.


And here's the recipe:

Strawberry Mint Raw Vegan Ice Cream 
5 minutes to make // Yields: 6-8 servings
.

Ingredients

Water (1/4 cup)

Raw Cashews (one cup, soaked in water at least 4 hours)

Banana (one, frozen*)

Strawberries (3 cups, frozen)

Mint (10-12 big leaves)

Strawberries (1/2 cup, fresh, for garnish, optional)

.

Instructions

1- Place water, drained cashews, banana, strawberries and mint in a Vitamix or high speed blender.

2- Process on high for about a minute.

3- Spoon ice cream into serving bowls.
4- Garnish with fresh strawberries.

5- Serve and enjoy.

Some News And Silliness

(The moving van; complete with a road biker)

My (Renee) parents (lovingly referred to as Papa and Nina, respectively) have moved here all the way from Indiana! It's great to see them and spend time with them. Of course, the kids are loving having their grandparents so close. It's a real treat! We are very grateful to have them here. They spent the first two nights at our house and then moved over to a resort in town, where they will be helping clean cabins and do other miscellaneous tasks to help out some dear friends. No, Papa will not be bored here. :)

(Rachel's artistic interpretation of Papa and Nina)

(The excited kids)

~ * ~

Here's a video of the kids being silly a few weeks ago::

~ * ~

We have put Rachel on a new diet starting last April and already have seen marvelous improvements. She has turned into a sparkly, happy young girl full of talkative energy and silliness. We no longer have to be so concerned about cross contamination with gluten and I can make wheat bread with Rachel standing next to me- with no after effects. Praise the Lord!

~ * ~

(Hudson helping with the dishes)

Yes, he really helps. Gotta train them early ya know! He shuts the soap door, the dishwasher door and then I help him with the buttons. It's really cute, I wish you could see it.

~ * ~

I just love summer vacation! No "formal" homeschooling, we all get to play more.

Here are some park pictures:

(Daddy being silly on Joshua's bike)

(The trio)

~ * ~

A first loose tooth for Rachel!

~ * ~

One day a year.

Two families.

Up to eight kids so far.

Josh (7); Boston (6); Rachel (5); Trinity (4); Madelynn (3); Asher (2); Hudson (1); Harper (0/3 mo)

That one day is Trinity's birthday. She turns four. Tomorrow Boston will turn 7.

~ * ~

 (A Mommy Madelynn Moment)

~ * ~

Friends! These friends are like family. We don't get to see them very often- but it sure is fun when we do!

 

(Where's Rachel?)

~ * ~

(Hudson and a picture of Josh: both at about 18 months old)

(Our toddler baby)

Hudson still isn't officially walking yet. He is taking his time, with all cautiousness, and with all expectancy to be served in the transportation department. He is really cute though, how can I deny him?? Especially when he plays peek a boo::

~ * ~    Happy Summer!    ~ * ~

A New Normal...

My New 'Normal'

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life.

Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is staring at every baby who looks like she is my baby’s age. And then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.


Normal is telling the story of your child’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone’s eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my “normal”.


Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child’s memory and her birthday and survive these days.


Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special that my daughter would have loved, but how she is not here to enjoy it.


Normal is having some people afraid to mention my child.


Normal is making sure that others remember her.


Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.


Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.


Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you – it doesn’t compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unbelievable.


Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.


Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.


Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of  their child.


Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.


Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have four children or three, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have three children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby.


Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.


And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are “normal”.


-Author Unknown   




A friend posted this on her blog. A lot of what the Unknown Author writes about I can relate to, but not all do I necessarily agree with. I know Emily is in heaven, and I know all things will be restored, made new, tears wiped away when Jesus returns- hence I will get over the loss someday. 




Joel and I are learning and relearning that "normal" is very relative. So much happens that everyone is constantly adjusting. It doesn't take a big event (ie: loss, diagnosis, new child) to throw our old normal out the window. Usually it's just the mundane things- like a child eating 3-4 times more than usual because of a growth spurt, or a wave of sickness hits the house, or getting to bed late too many days in a row, I could go on and on. And all these things happen one after the other. That's the part I can't get over: Our family is in the middle of dealing with one episode of Something and then Another Thing comes along and we need to deal with that and then look out! Here come Something Unexpected and then Not That Again in the same week. It's a whirlwind. And through all of it there are the daily chores we all need to keep up on. Whew!  It's so very easy to get caught up in this whirlwind. And then get irritable about it. It doesn't take much for me these days. Last weekend I pretty much had a permanent look of exasperation on my face. 



Doesn't God say, 'Children do not exasperate your parents or they will become discouraged?'


Um, no. It doesn't. I think what God says is, "Rejoice always, pray continually, in everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."


Seems impossible, Lord.


"With God, nothing is impossible."
"The fruit of the Spirit (italics mine) is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control."


Oh, humility. Where art thou? Thou art shy and fleeting, yet without you, I cannot walk in the Spirit.
May we all find this humility that Christ spoke of.

"Have this mind in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 

who, existing in the form of God, 

counted not the being on an equality with God a thing to be grasped, 

but emptied himself, 

taking the form of a servant, 

being made in the likeness of men; 

and being found in fashion as a man, 

he humbled himself, becoming obedient even unto death, 

yea, the death of the cross. 

Wherefore also God highly exalted him, 

and gave unto him the name which is above every name; 

that in the name of Jesus every knee should bow, 

of things in heaven and things on earth and things under the earth, 

and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, 

to the glory of God the Father." 

Bread Recipe

Here's the basic recipe:

3 Cups whole wheat flour
1 1/2 tsp yeast (regular)
1 tsp salt
1-2 Tb honey (or some kind of sweetner)*
1 3/4 Cup warm water.

Stir the dry ingredients together. Add honey. Add water. Stir until mixed and you have a moist, sticky dough. Dump into 9 x 5 loaf pan either greased or lined with parchment paper. Let rise and cover with cloth 40 min. (we live almost at sea level so adapt as you need to..) Bake at 400 F for 30 min. Remove from pan and cool.

Another option would be to use 2 Cups whole wheat flour and 1 cup Oats. I find this variation to be a bit drier so I add a little extra water to the dough.

*I've tried to omit the honey several times. When I do, I use 110 F water and let the bread rise a little longer. The end result is almost the same.

We LOVE this recipe. It's so chewy and moist. And SO EASY!
I hope you can enjoy this recipe as much as we have.

Oh, by the way, this is not my recipe, it was taken from the Forks over Knives Cookbook.

Good News on Joshua's Diabetes

I forgot to mention that along with seeing the doctor for Joshua's ITP yesterday Joel and Joshua also saw the endocrinologist (diabetes doc). Joshua's A1C (His blood sugar test- an average of the last three months) was at 7.2!!!! This is absolutely fantastic. The docs are happy with anything below 8. Joshua's A1C when he was diagnosed with Diabetes in November was above 11.

So Thank you Jesus!

Another Update on Joshua

Yesterday Joshua had a doctor's appointment concerning the ITP. His platelet levels are now 329,000. A week ago they were 149,000. And two weeks ago they were 2,000. May praise be to Jesus!
Doctor's orders this time are: No Activity Restrictions. (yea!) And no more pokes until his appointment in April: In five weeks Josh will have another platelet check and if those numbers are good then we are in the clear. !!!