givingThanks

The last few posts have been updates on our four children. This time the update is about Joel and Renee. For some reason, it is more difficult to give updates on myself and my best friend. But for the sake of friendship with you and "keeping in touch", I will do my best.

If you haven't heard yet, God provided a deer for us the Saturday before last. Joel was in the stand for about two minutes and this small doe walks up and was looking in his general direction. He shot her straight in the heart (another blessing- minimal suffering and doesn't damage the meat). So now this deer is in our freezer, meat for the winter. But we were both kind of sad - having killed this animal, this mother deer. It seems that the circle of life is more like a circle of death. Someone or something has to die to keep someone else alive. "All creation groans..." (Romans ch. 8)
Even Jesus had to die, so that we could live eternally.

The November here has brought a longer Autumn, for which I am So thankful for. After a cold winter, a looong spring, and three days of summer, I was just about ready to pack things up and pray for God to move us to British Columbia. But it's been great, we've gone on a few walks (It's harder to get three kids AND myself out the door in time before someone has to eat or go potty or..). Just seeing the sun shining through my living room window is enough to brighten my mood.

Joel won a turkey yesterday. Yes, he did. A dead one, thankfully. Several places in town have a turkey drawing and Joel's name popped up in one of them. So now we have a turkey certificate and are automatically entered into another contest for all the fixings.

Joel continues to go to work each morning. Hallelujah! (pardon me, but sometimes I just have to belt something out) They are getting seamless rain gutter jobs all over town, and also have a few big projects for the winter. They are not overly busy- it's still a struggle to get at least 40 hours a week, but it's still full time and we are still able to pay the bills. So again we are thankful.

Renee continues to grow as a mother, to express her creativity through this blog, and to maintain her friendships.
I am involved in two different Bible Studies at the moment which I will share with you:

The first is a Beth Moore study entitled, Living Beyond Yourself. It is a study on the Fruits of the Spirit. It's actually my first Beth Moore study and I am finding it pretty good. Mrs. Moore takes you through different scripture as a foundation on Who the Spirit is and what His role is. Then at about week three she settles into Galatians 6 (where it talks about living by the Holy Spirit), and spends a whole chapter on the first fruit: Love. That's where I am right now.

The second Bible Study I am doing is a study on Grief. This specific study is for women and I haven't even finished the first chapter. But so far it's been really, really good. I've really connected with it. How can I tell? Well, I actually fill in all the blanks, look up all the scripture references, write notes in the side margins and complete the chaos with little pictures that help me remember my thoughts.

One of the evenings this week I started looking through my crochet books and pulled out a Christmas stocking pattern. A few days before, I was telling Joel about Madelynn needing a stocking, seeing as this will be her first Christmas. So this was another thing to be thankful for! I could make Madelynn a stocking in time for Christmas! I have really enjoyed sitting down and crocheting again. I think the last time I crocheted something was at least two years ago, just before the diagnoses of Emily's heart.

So all in all, Jesus is our All. He is our Provider through family, friends, strangers, acquaintances, His Spirit, and even our children. We are so thankful.

I know some who read this have already celebrated Thanksgiving (hello Canada!) we can all still be grateful together as we observe a day of gratefulness. God Bless you as you go about today, this day God has made.

Madelynn and Her Noises

So here's a great video of Madelynn. She just started blowing raspberries and scrunching up her face at the same time. It may seem like she's concentrating on something else, but really she's not, she just does this when she is starting to get tired.

Mostly Madelynn

Madelynn is a joy to our home and smiles quite easily now. She is so active- kicking, rubbing her feet together, spreading her arms out to either side, and sucking on her fingers-mostly her thumb. She loves to stand up and will get quite fussy if you don't help her stand when she wants to. No rolling yet.
Madelynn still has very blue eyes. About the same blue as Neena's eyes.
She is on a four hour eating schedule, sleeps through the night and loves her solid food. If she doesn't eat enough solid food during the day, she won't sleep through the night. So she is eating rice cereal, peas, carrots, and acorn squash. Today she had a tiny bit of applesauce mixed with rice cereal for breakfast. She is still nursing, but at the rate she's going, I don't think she will be for long. I'm sure she is over 13 lbs now- those thighs are something else!

She loves her bro and sis but especially lights up when Daddy walks in the room.

Enduring Emily

(If you know the words already and would rather see the music video go here.)


So it's been 1 year, 5 months and 18 days since Emily Grace was born.
It's been 1 year, 5 months and 9 days since Emily Grace passed away.

But she endures on.

When I walk down the street with my three kiddos and hear the endless comments on how I have my hands full, I want to shout. And then I don't because they don't know that I have four, not three. I walk on, ignoring my torn heart.

When I receive a letter in the mail from Children's Hospital Grief and Loss Center I struggle to suppress the memories of a sterile hospital with all it's beeps and strange faces.

When I see her picture in our living room, I remember how beautiful she was, so peaceful, so serene. And I am reminded that she is, right now, full of peace.

There are many stages of grief. Depression being one of them. I believe I am past that stage. Though I have moments of it, I do not experience depression as a way of life - anymore.

Now we are figuring out how Emily fits into our lives. Figuring out how to talk about her, when to talk about her, where to talk about her. Even how to think of her, how to remember her.

And so the path continues. This path God has led us down. But I look back often. And in doing so I am encouraged to continue on.

Emily Grace is our daughter. And we will see her soon.

Really Rachel

Rachel's imagination is growing everyday and it is so much fun to see her play on her own and see what she comes up with. The picture posted above is a day when Joshua was at preschool, Madelynn was taking a nap and Mommy was doing dishes. She lined up some of her toys (and Joshua's) and told me all about it. I told her what "all in a row" meant and told her good job and returned to my dishes. A few seconds later I heard Rachel exclaim: "I'm in a row! I'm in a row!" I looked and of course I had to take a picture because I thought it was so cute. I'm sure you do, too. :)
Rachel is really growing up, at times she seems very much like a three year old. Her fits (temper tantrums) are becoming less and we are able to talk things through more. She is a bubbly little girl who brings much joy to our hearts.