Enduring Emily

(If you know the words already and would rather see the music video go here.)


So it's been 1 year, 5 months and 18 days since Emily Grace was born.
It's been 1 year, 5 months and 9 days since Emily Grace passed away.

But she endures on.

When I walk down the street with my three kiddos and hear the endless comments on how I have my hands full, I want to shout. And then I don't because they don't know that I have four, not three. I walk on, ignoring my torn heart.

When I receive a letter in the mail from Children's Hospital Grief and Loss Center I struggle to suppress the memories of a sterile hospital with all it's beeps and strange faces.

When I see her picture in our living room, I remember how beautiful she was, so peaceful, so serene. And I am reminded that she is, right now, full of peace.

There are many stages of grief. Depression being one of them. I believe I am past that stage. Though I have moments of it, I do not experience depression as a way of life - anymore.

Now we are figuring out how Emily fits into our lives. Figuring out how to talk about her, when to talk about her, where to talk about her. Even how to think of her, how to remember her.

And so the path continues. This path God has led us down. But I look back often. And in doing so I am encouraged to continue on.

Emily Grace is our daughter. And we will see her soon.

Really Rachel

Rachel's imagination is growing everyday and it is so much fun to see her play on her own and see what she comes up with. The picture posted above is a day when Joshua was at preschool, Madelynn was taking a nap and Mommy was doing dishes. She lined up some of her toys (and Joshua's) and told me all about it. I told her what "all in a row" meant and told her good job and returned to my dishes. A few seconds later I heard Rachel exclaim: "I'm in a row! I'm in a row!" I looked and of course I had to take a picture because I thought it was so cute. I'm sure you do, too. :)
Rachel is really growing up, at times she seems very much like a three year old. Her fits (temper tantrums) are becoming less and we are able to talk things through more. She is a bubbly little girl who brings much joy to our hearts.

Just About Joshua

Joshua has just finished his First Quarter at Preschool. Yes I know: 'Already?' We had a parent teacher conference and he even got a report card. Yes I know: 'what? It's just preschool!'
He is doing really well. Actually, I think a better term would be: thriving. He just loves it and is learning so much.
As his fifth birthday approaches (yes not until March - but we mothers think of these things) I see Joshua growing up. He is becoming more independent, is becoming conversational and is very gentle with Madelynn. He is an eager helper and knows the ropes around home. Joshua loves to build, play with cars (Hot Wheels), read books with Mommy and/or Daddy, play with Madelynn, and play with Rachel.
Joshua is observant, practical, and quite intuitive. But he also loves to be silly, loud and wrestle with Daddy. We love him very much.

Happy Birthday Oliver! From your friends, Joshua and Rachel

So this post, yes, is for Oliver and his Mommy and Daddy. Oliver's birthday party is on Saturday. But alas, we are not able to make it this year. This party is a pretty special one. Oliver turns a big 4 years old and is a superhero. Yes, he is Oliver the Superman. So for the party, of course, Oliver invited all his superhero friends. Below, Oliver, you can see two of your superhero friends who are not able to come to your party but still love you very much and wanted to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!


Super Joshua!

Super Rachel with her sidekick: Blankie!

The superheroes fighting evil!

Here they are again, in action:

Classic Bathtime Photos

In a tub, in the kitchen sink. Nice foot Madelynn!

Isn't she cute? The Baby not the dishes...

There she is!