Partly Cloudy

Right now the sun is shining. The clouds are hazy yet still allow the blue sky to emanate through. The garden is slowly being planted as time and chance allow. The yard also is being raked up, two years of pine needles and whatnot into the brush pile.
The kids are in the other room, playing checkers, their new found game. Full of lunch and transitioning to rest time, I take this quiet opportunity to write a quick post.

My mind and emotions are full. Full of uncertainties, drama, anxiety and excitement. But one thing stands ahead. Not necessarily looming in a dark sinister way, but rather like cumulonimbus clouds gathering over a valley. There might be a storm of wind and rain, maybe even some hail. But there might not be a storm. It might just blow over and come to nothing. Either way the sun will shine again. Just like it is now. Just like Jesus is shining in heaven with our daughter Emily Grace. Emily's day of birth and life is this Sunday, June 2. And she will be five years old.

Five.

One of those huge mile markers that every parent looks forward to. So many opportunities at this age. An age where they are learning their independence on a whole new level. An age where unlocking the mystery of reading brings daily excitement. An age of wonderment, change, and imagination.

I wonder where Emily would fit into our homeschool. Would she be excelling at this point and ready for first grade with her sister Rachel? Or would she be beginning to recognize sounds and putting them together and starting Kindergarten with Madelynn? Or maybe she would find schoolwork more on the challenging side and insist instead on watching flowers grow and pointing out different birds at our feeder?

Maybe it's not just me doing the wondering. Maybe Emily is wondering when she will get to see her mommy and daddy again. Maybe she is wondering if her sisters and brothers will fight the good fight of faith and become more than conquerors. Maybe Emily is in the great cloud of witnesses that the Book of Hebrews talks about, standing as a testimony, encouraging us on, on, on to glory. "Don't give up. Press on. Keep praying, keep on doing good, resist the evil one, stand against temptation, keep in step with the Spirit. Christ is in you, Christ lives through you, Christ conquered death, Christ conquered sin. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross. He endured to the end. For joy."

And joy He has. And joy He gives. Emily is full of joy, for she is full of Christ.

What more could I want for my daughter?

And yet, my grief continues. But it is for me. Because I want to be where she is, with her. And so until that glorious day, we celebrate the day of her birth, the nine days of her life with us, and the awful wonderful day of the 11th: Emily's Heaven Day.