The Bible says to confess your sins to one another so this is an attempt at that. The Bible also says Do not covet. That means, don't want what other people have, be content with what God has given me, be thankful.
So, here's my confession:
I covet other people's healthy, living children.
There. I said it. It's out there. And as I say this, I have two fully healthy children. Though I am incredibly grateful for them I brace myself for the day that Madelynn will come down with some awful, life threatening disease- like her 3 older siblings. I dread the day that Hudson will end up in the emergency room like his brother.
I see other people's children. Healthy. Happy. Living. They can eat what they want. And it does not affect them. They can go out for ice cream without a second thought. Restaurants and festivals are not intimidating.
Children laughing and yelling, not silent and dead in the ground.
A friend posted this quote awhile back. And it has changed my view of people, of life and of eternity...
you don't have a soul.
you ARE a soul.
you have a body.
-c.s.lewis
My children are SOULS. Living souls who yearn for heaven just like I do. We are souls made in the Image of the Eternal God Himself. These bodies we walk around in may be full of disease and death. But that does not change the fact that we are souls full of life.
Joshua is not a diabetic. He is an immortal, treasured soul whose body has the disease called diabetes.
Rachel is not celiac. She is a precious soul made in the likeness of her Maker but her body cannot handle gluten at this time.
Emily is not dead and silent in the ground. Her body is dead and silent. SHE is alive, because she is a soul, an eternal soul like her Creator.
So though this life is not "fair", I am grateful for my God. The God of hope and restoration. Of life and heaven. For Him, I am grateful. And for Him, I will not covet. For Him, I will not compare my children with others. For Him, my heart will be grateful.
And to Him, I pray that all my children will someday have a heaven day like our Emily.
Amen dear wife! I agree. And the incredible thing about God is, that He not only forgives us by the death of Jesus, for the sin of coveting, but He also gives us new life, in the resurrection of Jesus, so that we no longer covet.
ReplyDeleteLove your husband.
I love you too. :) ~Renee
DeleteOh renee, I also struggle with the same issues. I struggle with the feeling of "why can't my children be normal, i just want to to be able to do ________, I want to feed them _____ without them getting sick". Thank you for sharing your heart on it. And know that you are not alone. Our children and a joy and treasure but it is easy to wish that life could just be perfect. I'm glad the qoute helped you, it totaly helped me... I try to focus on eternal value and value in the eyes of Christ when it comes to my kiddos. Your children have such a grand purpose and even though we are not close i feel confident in saying that your kids are going to grow up to make an HUGE impact on everyone they meet.. i think they even do now... even little emily who's soul is dancing with the Lord in heaven. She too is making a difference in others hearts towards God though he spirit has left her body, her soul lives on. Thinking of you from Washington, maybe one day we will be able to get together in person!
ReplyDelete-Kristin
Thanks Kristin for your encouraging thoughts. Yes, maybe someday we will get together! :)
DeleteSo far I have 3 healthy living kids-but I live with the frequent thought that all that could change in an instant. Lately I've been struggling with wanting to keep them home with me forever to spare them the horrific pains of this world. I realize that is wrong in so many ways (like the fact sin is already in their hearts), but the desire to give your children a care-free happy life in this world is normal and so strong. I fretted and prayed about it , then read Isaiah 42. I especially loved verses 5-7. It was so comforting to read about God's purposes in this fallen world, our part in it, and how he keeps us. Praying for you this morning dear friends! ~Andrea
ReplyDeleterenee - this may be sort of scattered. i empathize with you. we too, are gluten intolerant - all four of us. both ben and i are, so neither of our kiddos have a chance of being able to tolerate gluten. it's been a long road . . . isaac used to get hives every night. every single night. he didn't sleep through the night until he was five years old and we got him on medication. now, with no gluten, he doesn't get hives. and he takes no medication. we started with a new doctor and cut gluten out in april. isaac and i both got into some in the past month - and we both had diarrhea for 5-6 days. he lost about 7 pounds. i lost 12. ben's thyroid is shot and we are working on rehabilitating it with medication, vitamins and no gluten. he needs to loose weight so he can avoid or put off a lot of the disease that his dad deals with. a working thyroid will help this! maddie is noticeably happier and more competant with self-control and emotional stability with no gluten. so our entire eating life has changed in the past months. get-togethers, picnics, birthday parties - these are all different and sometimes hard and sometimes downright awful. but. it's worth it for us to all feel better. we always thought we'd have four kids, but my uterus didn't allow for that. i found out recently that was related to my gluten intolerance . . . we have two - i'm so grateful for them, and i know that God has His hand in the make-up of our family . . . i hear you, my friend. i may be writing more about this on my blog in the up-coming weeks. right now i feel like mary, pondering these things in my heart. hang on to Jesus. and hang in there. with love and warm hugs, elizabeth
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