Confession

If you ask me (Renee) how I am doing, I will probably tell you I am doing well. Usually that's the truth. But sometimes, it's not true.

It is hard to express myself through verbal communication. It always has been. But if you give me a means to communicate through writing, well, then that's a different case. I enjoy journaling, when I have the time and motivation. I enjoy blogging, when I have the inspiration and energy.

I also have a hard time expressing my heart in public. Perhaps I am afraid of rejection. Perhaps I'm afraid of what people think. Maybe I'm afraid I will share too much and turn people off.

Lately I've been looking over the blog posts Joel and I posted four and a half years ago. What happened four and a half years ago? Our daughter Emily was born. Our daughter Emily who lived in a gigantic hospital bed for nine days, underwent open heart surgery, and died.

I've also been thinking about how little I expressed my grief over Emily on this blog. Sure we shared some heart wrenching truths, shared some of the facts, and expressed our utmost gratefulness for the volume of support we received.

But I didn't share much of my struggle and grief, even before Emily was born.

And I'm wondering if you, reader, have been deceived in any way as to the truth of the sorrow myself and my family carries. Yes, we experience joy and happiness and the like, but there is always sorrow.

If you were not aware of the fact that we are still grieving, still feeling the effects of our beautiful daughter's life and death and this is due because I hardly ever blog about it, then please accept my sincere apology for deceiving you.

For we do grieve. We still miss her. We still long for Emily to be here on earth with us. For us to be there in heaven with her. For our family to be together.

And for those who are aware of our grief and who have not forgotten Emily: Thank you. Thank you for not forgetting. For not letting her disappear as though she had never existed. 

Thank you for remembering Emily Grace, our little Junebug.

Yellow Swallowtail

One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful (5 Piano Guys, 1 piano) - ThePi...

Five guys play the same piano:

This is entertaining and very fun to watch! Great music too!

There are Pillow heads at the end of this post

Daddy brought home boxes. Big boxes. Boxes that used to have cabinets in them. Then he made a multi room fort with windows and doors. He's amazing, that Daddy.

The door was a perfect fit for Hudson

Inside the fort: Two hallways each ending up in a separate room.
Rachel and Josh to the left and Nina on the right. She had to try it out too!

I think the kids were burying Rachel in the dress up clothes.
Do the cardboard ears look familiar??

Indian Josh. Look out.

And his partner Indian Rachel. Double look out.

I'm not sure what they are doing here...
maybe they're playing karate

Pillow heads go Arrrgghh!

Beethoven's 5 Secrets - OneRepublic (Cello/Orchestral Cover) - ThePianoGuys

Remembering the K family as they grieve the loss of two close family members.

Quinzee Love and Snowcave Fun

First the snow cave: 

Here's Rachel peeking out of the windows:

Joshua's turn:

Joshua snaps one from the inside out:

And now for the quinzee: So cozy in there with their little tealights.

A quinzhee or quinzee (pron.: /ˈkwɪnziː/) 

Definition:

a hut created out of snow, a combination of an igloo and snow cave