Five Years

May 15, 2004 Joel and Renee were married near the Sheep River in Alberta, Canada. It was an overcast spring day, about 40 degrees Fahrenheit. The trees had a light spring green tinge to them and the grass was soft and green. The Rockies were there though they couldn't be seen, you could hear the river and the birds, and we were both barefoot. My feet never got cold.



Below is a song of which the lyrics struck my (Renee) heart. Though they may seem negative at first, to me they were of hope and perseverance. It was a reminder that my husband is "just a man", doing the best that he can. He's not giving up on me. I'm not going to give up on him either. We are living life together, and we are committed to each other. No matter what.


Don't Give Up On Me (by Andrew Peterson)

The road is long that leads me home tonight
It disappears into the distant light, my love
Don’t give up on me
You know I love you, but I’m just a man
I don’t always love you the best that I can, my love

Don’t give up on me
Don’t give up on me
I won’t give up on you

Got all these letters that I never did write
All this affection I kept inside my heart

Don’t give up on me
Don’t give up on me
I won’t give up on you

You were there when I shook my fist at the sky
You were there when I fell to the earth and cried
Do you remember how it felt just like we died and rose again?

And the storm inside was raging
It was howling like the wind at the Pentecost
And his love was teaching us a language we thought was lost.

I have felt the holy fire of love
Been burned by the holy fire of love
Made clean by the holy fire of love

I walked beside you in the canyon flames
Deep as an ocean and hot as a thousand suns
We barely survived

Now I wake up in a golden dream
Angel voices in the rooms where the children run
All covered in light

Don’t give up on me
Don’t give up on me
I’m begging you, please
Don’t give up on me
I won’t give up on you

Border Route hike with Josh Lindstrom and Rillian

We took the Caribou Rock Trail to the Border Route and came out on the Daniel's Lake access.

Overlooking Duncan Lake


The white pines were magnificent


There were no trail markers and it was often overgrown. At one point it seemed to just disappear in the snow. Eventually with a little Divine guidance we found a small log that had been cut with a saw. Another slog around a blowdown through knee deep snow and I found another and eventually we were back on the trail.


Lunch at Stairway Portage



The first overlook on Rose Lake. The next one was another 100 ft taller. It was awesome, but hard to capture in a picture.



Campsite on Rose


Good night.

Happy Mommy's Day!

I don't know why I enjoy Mother's Day so much. Perhaps it's the pretty carnation I receive at church. Or maybe it's because the sun is usually shining and Spring is finally here. This year was slightly different, as some of you may guess.

For the last 3-4 years Joel has taken me (and the kids) to a local greenhouse and let me pick out some flowers for my garden and hanging basket. I love flowers, especially ones in greenhouses. The humidity, the smell, the vast array of colors including GREEN, and then the challenge:

I have a budget, and I need to stick to it.

Pansies are always a must (right, Maria?), then violets are a favorite, so those must go in my box, too. Daisies I'm a sucker for, and lately, Callie cream. They are a smaller version of petunias, more delicate. I usually get tomatoes because of the short growing season here, but this year, to save money of course, we started them from seed indoors.

After the successful adventure in the greenhouse, we usually just head home on Mother's Day. But this year, at my request, we took a detour.

There was so much snow at Maple Hill Cemetery a month ago I didn't think we could make it in, let alone visit Emily's grave. As we got closer, there was only grass (well, brownish-green grass), no snow. As we parked and unloaded rakes, it felt a little different being there. There was a sense of familiarity, a sense of sorrow (but not as striking), and a sense of peace. But there was another feeling that I couldn't put my finger on. Later, Joel put it into words: "it feels less like Emily is here [in the grave] and more like she's in heaven."

We cleaned up the grave site, the kids put their "pretty" rocks near the headstone, and I made plans for where to put flowers and to replace the pinwheel that had broken during the winter.

It was a beautiful Mother's Day, as it usually is. I remind myself that I am a mother only because of these children that God has given me. Without them, my kids, Mother's Day would be just another holiday that I have a hard time relating to. So as they and Joel are thankful for me, I in turn am thankful for my kids. No one can replace them or take them away. I will always be their mother. Just as Emily Grace will always be my daughter.

Ah-batta boom

Grape Nut is kicking so much these days it's easy for Joshua to feel her moving around. His expressions are great, though difficult to get on camera. This picture is as close as we've come.

Please keep praying that Grape Nut stays inside Mommy. I'm 34.5 weeks (out of 40). 37 weeks (around May 23rd) is our "green light", meaning that the lungs and everything else are developed and it is safe for the baby to enter our world. Lots of Braxton Hicks ("practice" contractions) have been happening and they are starting to become uncomfortable and more regular- as in, every five minutes sometimes.

Joel and I also need God's direction and wisdom on whether we should schedule an induction date in Duluth. The labor with Emily Grace was only 2-4 hours long and two pushes. That's pretty fast, especially when Duluth is two hours away, even in an ambulance. (Duluth has the closest, capable health care for high risk mommies like me)

A New Niece!

Ryan (Renee's brother) and Emily had their baby this evening in Minneapolis, Minnesota!

Name: Evelyn Madeline

May 3, 2009 6:08 p.m.

She weighed 7 lb 11 oz and is 20 3/4 inches long.

Mommy and Daddy are doing great!