First off, I want to thank you for praying (if you were) for us as Joel and I went to Duluth today.
Second, I would like to tell you how it went. The meeting was pretty short, maybe about 20 minutes. But I think that was good. Dr. Wright, Emily's Pediatric Cardiologist, explained to us her autopsy report. The report held no surprises. What I mean by no surprises is that when Emily's blood pressure dropped on June 11, the docs and the Specialists had a good idea of why. We were explained these reasons, and four months later the autopsy report confirmed those ideas. This was some sort of a relief to me (Renee). Another great relief was that Emily did not suffer as she passed away.
A precious moment that I remember which I will share with you, moments before Emily went into surgery, Joel and I stood by her bedside. Her eyes were open, and she was looking at us. We prayed over her and enjoyed that short and rare moment of looking into her deep blue eyes. Once she was wheeled into the operating room they gave her drugs that made her unconscious (just like most anyone having heart surgery). These doses continued to the next day when she passed away. I realized just today, Joel and I were the last people Emily saw before she went to heaven. How special this realization was to me, always wondering if Emily even knew me when she was alive!
How precious Renee! You have found so much strength and courage through Christ in this time. It can't be easy! Thank you for being open and vulnerable so we can know best how to pray and support you in this time! It is good that nothing new came up in the report that had to be grieved on top of what you already knew! I love and miss you!
ReplyDeleteKelley
i am glad that things went well for you today. no surprises is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteand even though i do not understand in the least why things like this happen - why does God allow a mother to carry a child a full 9 months and then it is in His plan for her to say goodbye to that child such a short time later? i don't know. but i do know that He has all our days ordained before one of them come to be. all your days, Renee, all Joel's days, all Emily's days. all of them. He knit her together. and He holds her now. (Psalm 139 and Job 12:10)
"Little one, loved before knowing,
Precious one, in dreams so fair;
My empty arms ache to be holding
My rosebud who blooms "over there."
If you had come to be with us
I'd have shown you the stars and the sea;
But your eyes see them eternally clear …
One day you must show them to me."
i've been thinking about you a lot the last couple days. my little sister has a friend who is pregnant and just found out that her baby is not going to live. the baby may not make it to the due date, or it may, the baby may be born alive and live a short time, or it may not. i am going to send her your blog address. her name is brittney. her husband's name is mike.
i also ran across this blog http://creativelittledaisy.typepad.com/creative_little_daisy/2008/11/blue.html
today. and it goes right along. i just have to say, "God knows." and i know that He does.
so very special for you to know that you and Joel are the last people that Emily saw on earth. and you two got to look in her eyes, right before Jesus did.
hugs to you, and love, and prayers that the little one growing inside you is God's way of bringing blessing after sadness.
I'm thankful you could have that closure, and that nothing new came to light except a wonderful realization of the relationship you had with Emily. And that relationship was really nine months long - just culminating in those last few moments! Who knows, maybe even in heaven she is aware of her earthly family - I really don't know! But someone wrote that she refers to her daughter who died as "my daughter who lives afar." I kinda like that expression.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dad P.