The Beginning of the Afterword

Joel - This is long, but check out Renee's from June 25th.

“For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.” Lamentations 3:31-33
When we left the Children’s Hospital for the last time, the day of Emily’s death, the sky was turning black and fierce. Lightning ripped through the night as we sped down the freeway in the rain. The thought came to me: “God is angry.” He was angry at all the evil, sickness and death that plague this world - and killed our daughter.
I know the weather is not a good indication of God’s mood, but the storm served to teach me something valuable. The lines between darkness and light, good and evil became a little more distinct for me that night, and I knew I wanted to be completely in the light. It was evil and darkness that killed Emily Grace. A defect. Something less than perfect. God is life. Death came about because of sin. He hates death and will defeat it totally in the end. But even now, while He is angry at evil and death, He is also still in control. He allowed Emily to die, because he has a greater good in store. He is taking the attempts made by the powers of darkness to tear us away from him, and turning it all to eternal good. He grieves with us and walks with us to that light on the other side.
“If God hates evil so fiercely why doesn’t he do something about it?” the world asks. He did. Into a world boiling with hatred between men and hatred toward God, God himself stepped in to exact justice. But instead of condemning all of us Jesus said, “Let your punishment wound me, let your death penalty crucify me instead.” All the fury of evil is turned on him, with the pained permission of the Father, and he dies in our place. For all of us. Anybody who for a moment has rebelled against a perfect God by not honoring him above all else.
And on the other side of the cross we find LIFE, LIGHT – the strands of evil and darkness lose their grip on Jesus. And their power is broken over us who surrender ourselves completely to his authority and love. We walk in new life. We are not bound by darkness. Our bodies may die as we carry on in this world that still has death because people still reject Jesus. But after physical death we will live in light. You can’t stay dead in the presence of Jesus. And you can’t live in the presence of God without Jesus.
Back to Emily. We miss her like crazy. It feels like loneliness, or being terribly homesick. It’s hard to be home without her, returning to the activities that were normal before. There’s always someone missing from our family. It’s hard to not have seen her whole face or been able to hold her close until after her spirit had left her. What would I give to smell her sweet head again? Or to let her little hand wrap around my fingers? Would I put her back on the ventilator? Put the IV’s and catheters back in? No, I wouldn’t. She’s been spared a lot of pain. It helps to see her in heaven in our minds. She’s not the same as the pictures. She’s free now. No more IV’s and catheters. Thank-you God for your overwhelming grace.
The funeral two Sunday’s ago was awesome. Over 100 people came. We laughed and cried and saw pictures of Emily and worshiped God. My (Joel’s) Mom and I led the songs. We all gave it our all and God ran with it. I think he was glorified and that Emily couldn’t stop smiling. We realized she is a prophet, calling us to repentance and consecration. Pray that we can live out the example we gave at the funeral, in our everyday lives.
God gave Renee the grace to go visit a friend and her week-old son today (June 20th, when I originally wrote this)
We are doing well, but are not so strong as to forget for very long our desperate need for Jesus’ life in us. We grieve when the grieving comes, but don’t go looking for it. Well, OK, sometimes I like to go smell the hat she wore in the hospital.
We’ve got some incredible friends here. They’ve cared for our emotions, our physical needs and our souls. The broader community, church, extended family, blog readers and even people we’ve never met or known about continue to show support.
So – thank-you – we are blessed to the point that we’re not sure how to respond.
Grace, Joel.
PS – A ‘For Sale’ sign went up on the place we are renting today. We need prayer for wisdom on what to do next. God’s arranged everything thus far, but we just need to know when we are following him or not. Thanks.

A Time to Mourn

thoughts from Renee

‘I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 John) This is my hope and dream for all of my children. Emily Grace is with Jesus, she is walking in the truth and with the Truth. I do not yet have the joy. Maybe it’s there underneath all the sadness, emptiness and feelings of being lost. But I know I will have joy again. And I know I will worship Jesus alongside Emily. Someday.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to be silent and a time to speak…

Funeral Announcement

The funeral/celebration service for Emily Grace will be this coming Sunday, June 15, 3:00pm at the ___________ Church. We welcome anyone who wants to be there. If anyone needs directions you can email us at __________. Blessings, Joel.

Good-bye Emily Grace

We love you. You came through surgery yesterday, but this morning your heart gave out. We watched you drift away under the hands of the doctors and nurses who crowded your room. We wept at your departure, sliding our hands under your lifeless body. Jesus holds you now. We finally got to see your face and hold you close, but the warmth had left you. For hours we held you and let the waves of grief crash over us. Don't worry - we still believe in the One into whose face you gaze. He never left us either. We came back in the evening with your brother and sister and grandmother. I know it sounds crazy but we drove around the hospital seven times, singing praises, preparing to petition for your life again. We know Jesus could have restored your life - He knows how. We asked him to, but in the end we had to let you go and say good-bye. We love you. You are beautiful. We'll see you again someday.

successful surgery

This is Joel writing. Thankyou to the hundreds and hundreds of people who were praying today. God chose not to do what a lot of us were praying for - heal Emily without surgery. We don't know why - he certainly can and does heal in this day and age, even in this part of the world. But He must have something bigger in mind. He is good. He is loving. And Emily came through surgery with much Grace! She now has a 2.5 cm (1 inch) Gore-tex shunt going from a branch in her aorta to her pulmonary artery. (No I didn't ask the surgeon if he had a spare shunt in his pocket for me to take home.) She is getting blood to the lungs and looking good.
After she was prepped for surgery this morning, just before they wheeled her off, Emily opened her eyes and looked right into ours. I felt like she was saying, "I'm going to be OK Mom and Dad." Looking for confirmation of the profound moment I asked Renee what she thought. She said it looked like she was screaming out, "Mommy - get me out of here!" Oh well.
Renee waited in the family waiting room while I drove back home to play football with Joshua for an hour like I had promised him I would. He is praying too that Emily would not be sick any more. Rachel is as sweet as ever.
Emily will be quite unconcious until sometime tomorrow, but all her stats are doing well. They will continue to drop dosages of the numerous medications and work toward getting her off the ventilator and being able to take breastmilk.
Thankyou again for praying.