"Heavy"

Heavy

That time

I thought I could not

go any closer to grief

without dying

I went closer,

and I did not die.

Surely God

had His hand in this,

as well as friends.

Still, I was bent,

and my laughter,

as the poet said,

was nowhere to be found.

Then said my friend Daniel

(brave even among lions),

"It's not the weight you carry

but how you carry it-

books, bricks, grief-

it's all in the way

you embrace it, balance it, carry it

when you cannot, and would not,

put it down."

So I went practicing.

Have you noticed?

Have you heard

the laughter

that comes, now and again,

out of my startled mouth?

How I linger

to admire, admire, admire

the things of this world

that are kind, and maybe

also troubled-

roses in the wind,

the sea geese on the steep waves,

a love

to which there is no reply?

-Mary Oliver

The Young Dandelion

I am a bold fellow

As ever was seen,

With my shield of yellow,

And my blade of green.

You may uproot me

From field and from lane;

Trample me, cut me,

I spring up again.

I never flinch, sir;

Wherever I dwell;

Give me an inch, sir,

I'll soon take an ell.

Drive me from garden

In anger and pride,

I'll thrive and harden

By the roadside.

Not a bit fearful,

Showing my face,

Always so cheerful,

In every place.

-Dinah Mulock Craik

Three days later... resurrected joy

One year and three days after the birth of our sweet Emily...

Joy came to us in a little bundle of blue eyes and curly brown hair- so unlike the rest of her siblings with the typical black/brown eyes and black short hair. Madelynn filled my empty arms and my aching heart. Our little wiggler, always moving, quick to smile yet quick to cry- Alligator tears fall from those big blues framed with lo-ong black lashes. Yet her smile is equally contagious and laughter is the best medicine. 

Smart, mischievous, easy to please, ticklish, sweet, cuddly-

She is our joy of the family.

The cute chica with the pink socks turns a whopping five years old today! 
Happy Birthday Madelynn!

A birthday is indeed a special day. Not just because they are another year older, though that is special. We celebrate Emily's birthday today because today symbolizes so much more. 

Today symbolizes her life lived here on earth, her near nine months in utero and her nine days outside of it. 

Today we remember the Breath that was breathed into her from an Almighty Creator who loves her more than I.

Today we celebrate the very simple but mind boggling fact that Emily is an immortal soul, a person created in the image of our God, a unique creation, beautiful and perfect.

Today we remember her birth, the miracle that no expert can explain, the moment when the labor of love is complete and we wait for that first cry, the cry for comfort and life.

Today is the day of Emily's birth. She may not receive any birthday cards in the mail or presents on her plate, but we will celebrate in other ways: Today we will remember, create, plant, enjoy, and sorrow. But always with hope. For we celebrate Emily with her, with Jesus. 

Apart from her but yet with her. 

"For when I am weak, then I am strong." 1 Cor. 12:10

Ten Year Anniversary Celebration!!

So Joel and I had a fabulous time out west in Northern CA. How refreshing it was to spend eight days together without children, away from home, exploring new sights, sounds and smells. We took well over 600 pictures but here are just a few to give you an idea of the great time we had together and the beautiful things we saw.

Just a little windy, but what a sight the Golden Gate bridge was!

Welcome to YWAM Mendocino! Formerly a hippie commune, now a place where Jesus' love is manifested on bible verses carved out of wood and placed on giant redwood stumps.

One of the cabins on the YWAM base, the Raccoon cabin is where we stayed. Wood heat, very rustic and a bible verse from our wedding psalm carved on the window box!

Ah, the redwoods!

It's hard to capture the enormity of these old trees. This one was almost 20 ft. across and over 350 ft tall.

We did see some wildlife while we hiked.

Driving our Kia Soul (rental) through a 2500 year old tree!

Driving through the redwoods. This is a rare piece of straight road. We averaged about 30 miles an hour driving on the curvy roads of Northern CA. (the speed limit was 45 mph, but we hardly made it up to that!)

Here is a pygmy forest. This is an 80-90 year old tree, still alive, but just taller than Joel. What a contrast to the redwoods!

The coast was just beautiful. 

The smells of the wildflowers, salt and wild wind were magical.

Sunset.

Sand dunes! (yes this picture is genuine)

I (Renee) loved the variety of flowers here. (About 25% of our pictures were of flowers!)

After Mendocino, we drove down to Napa Valley and visited one winery. Since we are not big wine people, we decided to make the winery a good one: We went to a genuine castle! The Castle of Love!

The views, the beauty of the valley, the castle itself, all of it was amazing.

The courtyard of the castle.

This trip was full of memories that will be treasured forever! Joel and I had a wonderful time together and left feeling refreshed and ready to plunge back into "real" life.